So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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