i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
