I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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