God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
