those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize