sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
