I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
