I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
