I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize