Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
