I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
