um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
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