don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
