Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
