The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
