dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
whose parrot is this?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
