Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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