i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize