drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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