last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
