haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
