I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
