My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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