Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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