just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
