It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
