??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
