literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I supernannyed him into submission
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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