i already hear my dad disowning me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
