So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just invented taco cereal.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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