I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
