But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
