Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
