I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize