when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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