I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
