I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
if only i could text you this smell
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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