I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
