So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize