What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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