butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
