Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
