There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
