I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I need water and some morals
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Text me some of your sweat
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
