Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
