:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
