from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize