DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
