she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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