I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
