We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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