forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
