saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
