She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
as a side note pls kill me
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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