Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
