she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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