I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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