Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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