1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
