Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
