dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize