Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
