I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
