she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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