my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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