I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
