There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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