He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
