he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
