I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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