I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize