I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
