Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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