Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
