I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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