Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
