I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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