Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
