Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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