Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
