Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
