planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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