Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
