I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
