Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
