I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize