Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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