I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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