you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
