Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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