Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You are a genius and a whore.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize