PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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