I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
