Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
