She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
