and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
