She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
