remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
