you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
