Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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