I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize