the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
