Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
the raccoons are back...
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