ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
