So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
