you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
