This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We need to get me chipped asap
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
