Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Randomize
