i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
