Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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