I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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