I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
