maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
