i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
