I want to make a zoo with you.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
